One day, she won’t love you anymore

She was always that girl who smiled at you, always that girl who lingered a tad too long at the door while she said her goodbyes. You find her nice in the way you find blue skies nice; and you find her unobtrusive in the manner of nice mahogany furniture. Sometimes, you find her interesting; but then again, you find lots of things interesting. So, what does it matter that she looks at you with sparkling eyes? What does it matter that she says your name like she’s saying it for the first time every time? The world is full of girls. This one is no different from the rest.

Late one night, however, your phone rings Hi, she says before her voice starts to break. I want you to listen, just listen, and not say a word until I’m done. I like you. I’ve always liked you. There are even moments when I think I love you. I don’t know how that’s possible, but it must be because I cry over you. It’s weird, you know, that I do because we only mourn the people and things that matter. So, I guess you matter to me, only I can’t tell you why or how because I don’t know the answers myself. It doesn’t matter, though. I am too smart for this, and too tired, and I know there’ll be a day someday, when the sight of you would no longer make my heart beat raggedly in my chest. That is all. Goodbye.

The line dies, and you never hear from her again.

Several years later, you will wait for the traffic light to change. You will see someone who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you could roll down the window and call out her name. You will never see her again. Whenever you hear the phone ring, however, you think of her. You wonder where she is, or what she does.

You wonder what she looks like.

You wonder what her daughter looks like.

One day, she won’t love you anymore. You know that, and strangely, this knowledge breaks your heart.

--from Leah's post

i miss blogging.

my inspiration has run dry.

my fingertips want to keep on typing.

i miss blogging.

but nothing's inspiring enough to merit a space in my blog.

is my life that boring already?

geesh! hope not.

relearning the unlearnable

i officially have a suitor (after some long 2 years and 3 months).

actually, we've know each other for like months now but this was the first time we saw each other.

you see, he was the brother of my sister's friend and this friend gave him my number. so we texted and texted until the day he asked me if he can court me. i was surprised and irritated at the same time. i mean who the heck courts through text? i mean. i have nothing against it, i just don't think it will work for me. so we stopped texting and went back to our old lives.

surprisingly, after 3 months, he began texting me again until i finally met him last Saturday. he's okay. but something i realized about being single for too long is that you wouldn't get to cope easily when someone potentially special works his way into your life. or was it just me? i don't know. i think i need to relearn these stuff about how to act around a suitor. don't want to mess this one up.

again, i think he's okay. he's kinda smart and at ease and confident. but what do i do if it won't work out? how will i break it to him? how will i break it to his sister who's my friend, by the way? i mean, should i test it out for like 3 months and see what happens after? or should i just dump him now? can i propose something like "dating without exclusivity"? that would work for me. wold that work for him?

what the heck happened to me? it's not like he's my first suitor or something. but i want to make this right and if i'm gonna do it, i want to do it the right way. as my mom said, "oh, baguhin mo na strategy mo ah?" (yup, because they never liked my ex-boyfriend of 2 years and 7 months, that's why.)

2 lumps afer 2 years

Had to undergo one hell of an ordeal again.

Last week, I visited my doctor at the company clinic and ask her to check my breasts up. You see, 2 years ago, I already had a surgery to remove some cysts from my right breast. Ever sice then, I've been religiously undergoing utrasound scans just so to I'm sure no cysts are present.

But, surprise, surprise! As my doctor worked her fingers around my breast to check for lumps, she found some. When she told me about it, I never thought I'd be so worried like this.

After i went back in front of my computer to work, I realized that tears are threatening to fall from my eyes. I had goosebumps. I mean, my first question was: Why does it have to happen again? The second thing was: What if this is cancer?

So, this morning I went to a clinic to have the ultrasound scan and it was confirmed. I has to lumps located at the lower part of my right breast. So I guess, i'll have to undergo surgery again. i just hope the lumps are benign just like before.

How do I feel right now? Worried to death, scared to death. *sigh*