letting go is like a breath of fresh air. why didn't I do it sooner?

"I have self-respect, too...I need to let go so I can get back to to myself..."

then it struck me. i think I'm getting myself back - the me before i met you. the mere fact that i'm trying so hard to forget you is such a big leap for me. you see, when it comes to love, i have never believed in forcing one's self in doing something. i have always believed that If it's meant to fade, it will fade. but this time, it's different. i had to force myself to let go or else i'll be holding on to nothing and lose everything that i am - the respect, the dignity, the self-esteem.

as my friends always say, "You have to have respect for yourself. You can't just let him treat you like a second fiddle." while another guy friend told me (with much conviction and concern i must say), "You're his bitch. He only runs to you because he knows you'll always accept him with open arms no matter what." that was painful to hear but I guess it's true. that friend even retorted, "I'm sorry if it hurt. But you have to realize that so you can knock some sense back into you."

and i am. i got tired so i decided to move on. as Leah once said, "Gaga! You were never friends naman talaga." and she's right. he was too indecisive whether to put me in black or white so he decided to place me in the gray area. and i can't stay hidden in the dark while the he was having a grand time. so i decided i'd rather be alone than be with someone who obviously never came close to feeling the same way i feel about him.

so, let me congratulate myself again for being sober the last 4 months. now i'm thinking, letting go is like a breath of fresh air. why didn't I do it sooner?